I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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