Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sext me about skeletons
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
