I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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