508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
