I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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