girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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