her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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