What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
