yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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