I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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