I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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