I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize