I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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