I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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