Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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