This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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