I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
