that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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