hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
