i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
