the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
