What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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