Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...