I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.