I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
