you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think a kid would responsible me up
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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