woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
