Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
