listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
