She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
