Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
