I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
