She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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