Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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