My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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