I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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