i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is the high leading the old right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
