like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
