Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
