Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
