the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
