so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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