I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
