every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
