Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
