do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
