Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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