things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize