i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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