If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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