I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
