It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize