Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
