I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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