I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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