Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
