Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
