we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dicks are not precious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
