I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize