i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
