we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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