my mouth tastes like poor choices
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
