I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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