I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
