That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
