Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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